Written by: Jane
Tue May 25 2021
It's so hard to be categorized as a highly sensitive person. Everything has control over my mood either because of the joke from friends, some pick-up lines from the movie, or even the weather. One minute, it makes me happy, touched, motivated while the other minute it makes me feel like everything is falling apart. It's very annoying yet I could not do anything about it. Sometimes, I believe that sharing those with friends by trying to express myself will make it better. Instead, it tends to happen too often. Isn't it toxic to always throw negativity at our friends? How about trying to override it by distracting myself with comedies, memes? It works but not the best approach, I guess. Oh yeah, apparently I happen to believe that talking worries off with people is addicted. Don't really know how to describe it but when I talked with friends about a problem I felt better but only to encourage me to depend on that even more. So confusing!!! Another strange thing I encountered myself is the more I listen or watch about coping mechanisms, the more anxious I become. Well, how to put it into words? Like, we listen to those content to question ourselves that whether or not we are victims of that sickness, and out of a sudden, we start to worry.
I know maybe it's the tendency of trying to avoid acceptance or something. And, also about trust. Perhaps, I don't fully trust whether my friends listen to me with empathy or not. And perhaps I don't want to be a victim of any anxiety so I refuse to watch, listen or read those psychology content.
Just wondering if anyone ever finds themselve so happy and having fun with friends on a vacation or small trip and then back to normal daily life to find themselves again so lonely and start to pity themselves. I do have that feeling sometimes. Then, I hesitated to go out and have fun because I think I risk myself ending up being sad and lonely the next day. That's so hilarious! I think I might be too lonely in here. I am so childish. I act so strong and independent but deep down I do need a lot of attention. Not knowing why, but I really receive a lot of love from my family. Maybe this only urges me to be even greedier.
No negativity, just throw my period syndrome here LOL. I need more chocolatessssssssssssss. Yes, it really happens to girls. Plus, it's raining and cloudy these days. Also, I miss my family and friends. Staring at the screen too long, my ears covered with music, too much technology. I need to do an evening walk again. The fact that I might be away from them a bit longer makes me feel lonely already. And, I hate covid. Without it, I would have visited them and everything would be a lot easier. Again, don't blame the situation ~. Sight~~~~ too many rules that now I can't blame anything. Those craps exist only to suppress people.